My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
