We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
