bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
