so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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