Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
