Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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