You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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