I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
