I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need moral support for this bender
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
