Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
