...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
