Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
