Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
