lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
