Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
