somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
