the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
