I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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