ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bring money and cleavage
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
