My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
