Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
