I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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