so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
