Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
