No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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