Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
