i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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