Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
