literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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