Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
