ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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