i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
