im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's get the cat blown out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
