We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
