drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
