i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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