Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
