I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
