My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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