yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
