she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
