Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
