just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
