i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
