I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
