So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
