If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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