i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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