I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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