obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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