yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
